Discernment is a process, and every process goes through various stages and takes time. One cannot push or try to hurry it along. One must be patient and let time take its course. We live in a fast food, instant gratification, high-speed world. We’ve grown used to things happening fast, and if they don’t, we get frustrated. Whether we’re driving a car, working at a computer, or fixing a meal—we want results NOW. Discernment does not fit that pattern; it is not a “fast” thing. Discernment is a slow, plodding reality.

Discernment cannot be done in isolation. We need to talk with others to both receive their input, and to allow ourselves to speak our hopes and dreams for the future. Sometimes just voicing our hopes and fears, our dreams and desires to another helps us clarify both our thinking and our feeling. Getting stuff out there and sharing it with others can be an important part of discernment.

To whom should we talk? To friends, parents, teachers, a Priest or Brother, a Sister, a Vocation Director. Anyone we trust and respect. Anyone with whom we can share our inner thoughts and desires concerning the possibility of being a priest and/or joining a religious community.

We listen with both our ears and our hearts. We hear sounds of all kinds at every moment; even when we sleep. We may not be conscious of each sound, but we hear it. Our ears are always picking up sounds around us.

Our hearts hear in a different way. We listen with our hearts when we tune in to what is happening on the inside. How do we feel? What emotions are we experiencing? What thoughts are flowing through our consciousness? What is our body telling us? What do we truly desire?

Discernment involves both listening with our ears and with our heart. We listen to what others are saying to us and we listen to what we are saying physically and emotionally to ourselves.

What is my gut reaction when I think about being a Religious and/or a Priest? What feelings am I aware of when I think about choosing a celibate lifestyle…when I think about living in community…when I consider joining a community of like-minded brothers who also want to live the Gospel?

That is listening with the heart. That is hearing what’s happening inside.

Talking with and listening to God is really what prayer is all about. Listening with the heart is especially important in prayer. Here we let the thoughts and feelings rise to consciousness as we talk with God about our life possibilities. But we have to be careful not to do all of the talking. Yes, we need to let God know what is in our hearts and minds in prayer, but we also need to be quiet enough to let him answer. He often does this through thoughts and feelings during prayer as well as through other people and circumstances. Praying entails being aware of God’s presence within us and knowing that we are always in the presence of our loving God.

The final part of discernment is taking some action as a result of our talking, listening, and praying. Eventually we have to act. We may never be absolutely certain that God is calling us to a particular vocation. Absolute certainty just does not exist in life. We trust in God’s love and in the process of discernment; then we make the best choice possible. Neither God, nor the religious community we choose, expects perfection.

Calling a Vocation Director to discuss the possibility of joining a particular community, signing up to participate in a “Come and See” weekend, opting to seek entrance into the Postulancy Program—these are all possible actions flowing from discernment.

To a large extent, discernment is the process of finding the best “fit.” That means finding which community best fits my hopes and dreams, personality, and so forth. At each step along the way both the individual and the religious community are asking: “Are we a good match?” The answer is—you’ll never know if you don’t begin the process and embark on the discernment.